


First Love

by hyuunieverse



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, I cried while writing this, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, idk what else to tag, its really sad, jisung is depressed, like really really sad, lowercaps intended, please do not read if you are sensitive to these topics, sorry for killing jisung, the other members are just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23964556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuunieverse/pseuds/hyuunieverse
Summary: someone spreads rumors about jisung that caused his depression to relapse. he does something to himself that makes minho regret not spending more time with him
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	First Love

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first really sad story, it helped me cope with my friend going completely mia, idk why but it just helps i guess.

"come on minho! we haven't gone on a date on months! I miss going out with you..." jisung said and pouted while hugging the older's arm who pushed him away and sighed. "i'm busy sung...i'm so sorry"minho said softly and felt bad right after. jisung looked down and sighed mumbling"you're always busy.."to himself before nodding as he made his way back to their shared room."i'm going out now sung, don't wait for me.i'll be home late."minho said as jisung hummed in response.

it was now midnight and jisung was still awake, waiting for minho. "where is he..."jisung mumbled to himself and hugged his knees. he missed the days where they could go on multiple dates in one week, where they would cuddle while watching a comedy movie to days they made love. oh how he missed the old minho. the second he heard the door open ,he lied down and pretended he was asleep. the second minho entered the room,he could already smell the strong scent of alcohol from the older. "jisung ah~ can you..help me?"minho said and plopped down next to jisung on their bed. 

"help with what minho..."jisung said softly and sat up. "help me get changed...i-i wanna cuddle you~" minho said and hugged jisung suddenly."fine..."

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"i'll be really busy with school for a few days sungie."minho said and pouted."im so sorry...i'll try to study as much as i can so we can go on a date right after okay?"minho said and smiled a little."okay minmin~"jisung said softly and smiled.

he pulled the covers over his head and slowly drifted off to sleep. the next day,as soon as he woke up, he heard his phone dig so he took it out of his pocket only to see that someone had spread rumors about him and now his schoolmates were making hate pages and making fun of him online. he felt tears form in his eyes once again."why..."he mumbled to himself and sighed. he took an apple and cut it in half before keeping the other half of the apple and kept the other half in the fridge. he ate the half and sighed , going back to his room.

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a few months had passed and he still was getting a lot of online bullying. jisung had completely shut himself out of the real world. he didn't respond to any texts he got from minho, his friends or family and he ignored every knock he heard on his door. he knew his depression had relapsed and he knew this time it was worse than before. he walked into his bathroom and sighed. as he was about to get changed,he saw something shiny in the corner of his eye. it was an old blade he used before he met minho, it still had a small stain on it."no..i-i can't go back to doing it."he told himself but it was as if his body moved on his own as he picked the blade up and cut into his arm,wincing in pain.

he didn't know what got over him but he just kept leaving cuts in his arm, he didn't give a fuck anymore. he knew what he was doing wouldn't benefit him in the long run but he couldn't afford to care anymore. he sighed and put the blade down, washing off the blood on his arm. he walked out of the bathroom and into his room and wore a hoodie,flipping the hood over his head and a mask before leaving his house for the first time in months to buy some food but he soon regretted that decision as the second he left his apartment he saw minho walking by his house."baby! oh my god i missed you so much.how are you doing?"he asked but jisung just smiled and hugged him before walking away, leaving a confused minho behind . he felt tears in his eyes again but he pushed them away and ignored them before making his way to the convenience store.

he walked into the store and made his purchase. "jisung..?""is that you?" he heard two voices say. he immediately recognized the voice. it was his two best friend seungmin and hyunjin."what..."he said in a monotone way and looked up at the two. "jisung you look like a mess." hyunjin said and pulled jisung out of the shop."everyone in school is wondering where you've been. we're all worried jisung.please..."seungmin said and hugged jisung but he just stood still."im fine minnie,don't worry."jisung said and forced a smile.

hyunjin sighed and looked at jisung and bit his lip."someone spread rumors about you but only a few-" hyunjin said but jisung cut him off."i know, i saw the hate pages and blogs."he said and sighed."i'm going home. see you soon i guess."he said and walked away. hyunjin and seungmin just stood there and sighed. they were worried for their friend. they could tell he was feeling sad

jisung walked back into his house and sighed. he placed his food on the kitchen table and went back to his room and laid down. he looked at his open diary and sighed. the last entry he had written had a small spot of blood on it it was about how he wished he could just disappear from the world so that everything would be better

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jisung laid in bed and sighed as he ran his fingers down his arm and felt every scar he had. he counted them all, he had 42. he had over 1000 missed calls and texts from his friends but he ignored them all. he closed his eyes and tried to remember the happy memories he had with minho because he missed him alot yet he ignored minho everytime he contacted the younger.!he sighed and started writing a letter.

he sighed and put his pen down and folded the note. he then took his phone out and texted friend groupchat.

stay idiots🥰

jisquirrel : hi guys ! i know it's been awhile since i've left a text here but i just wanted to thank you all for the memories you've given me

and how you guys have always made me happy even when i was the most sad in the group and i would always bring the mood down but  
you guys never ever left my side even when i was about to give up. you gave me a reason to live. you gave me a reason to stay but you  
guys have probably have noticed, i fell silent for months and the reason for that is that my depression relapsed and i lost my meaning in the world.  
so by the time you guys reach my house, i may be dead by then. don't try to stop me because i know that this is my fate. i was always destined  
to leave the world this way. thank you for everything. goodbye..  
han jisung<3

hyuntree : jisung...that's it im going to your place right fucking now. you are not stopping me.

jisung then messaged minho.

minmin💕

sungie: hi, this is probably a message you never thought you would get but heh..i wanna thank you for all the memories you've  
given me these past 4 years, i know you probably will just ignore this because i know you don't love me anymore..i know you  
would blame yourself for what i'm about to do but please don't. it's not your fault...it was my decision. i love you and i always will  
i loved every single moment we spend together and  
i'll never forget the first time we hugged, the first time we said 'i love you' to each other , the first time we made love with each other  
and the first time we kissed. these are memories i'll never forget. even though by the time you get to my house i may be an angel  
by then but just remember that i will always love you. goodbye.  
your sungie💕

minmin💕 : jisung whatever you're planning to do, don't. i'm coming over right now.

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jisung put his phone down and bit his lip. he laid back down and looked up at the ceiling. was he really ready to do it? was he ready to leave everything behind? he was but at the same time he wasn't. sighing, he walked to his bathroom and got a bottle of his anti-depressants and a cup of water. he sat down and took a handful of his pills and gulped them down with the water and laid back down. he was now waiting for the medicine to take effect. After awhile he started feeling dizzy so he closed his eyes and slowly fell asleep,dropping his bottle of pills,spilling the last two pills that were inside not realizing that he would never wake up.

about ten minutes later both hyunjin and minho barged into jisung's apartment and called out his name, no response. they called out his name again, again no response. "that's it. i know it's an evasion of privacy but fuck it."minho said and barged into his room and saw that the younger was asleep. he thought nothing of it till he saw the nearly empty bottle of pills that was on the floor next to his bed. "no..no no! jisung !"he said and took the younger's body and gently shook him."jisung...wake up..jisung please wake up!" minho yelled and hugged the younger's cold body. hyunjin knelt next to minho and checked for a pulse on him. nothing. "he-he's gone minho hyung..." hyunjin said as he felt a tear rolling down his cheek."t-that's impossible! h-he can't die!" he screamed and cried his eyes out.

hyunjin looked at jisung's table and saw the note.

"to whoever is reading this, my name is han jisung and yes,i have sadly decided to take my own life. you might be wondering why i did it...firstly,i was diagnosed with depression when i was 15. i was so close to giving up. i then met a man. his name was lee minho. he gave me a reason to live,he helped me find my true meaning. he helped me ignore all the hate and bullying i got. but recently i saw all the hate again and stayed silent.i didn't want minho to worry about me again. it slowly ate away my mental health and i relapsed. i started by cutting again even though i promised to never do it again. i broke a promise. i hid it from him because i didn't want him to be disappointed in me..day by day it just got worse and i ended up giving up and taking my own life by taking all my anti-depressants at once. i'm sorry mom,dad, hyunjin and seungmin..i'm sorry minho. it was a good life but i was born in the wrong time and in the wrong place..don't blame yourselves for my death. it was my fate to die like this. see you on the other side. han jisung. 23/05/20"

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it was a month after jisung's death, the funeral had already taken place. minho saw everyone crying but he knew they would move on fast,they would forget about jisung even existed in a few months. while him on the other hand, cooped himself up in jisung's house and never left it. hyunjin and seungmin would sometimes come over to check on him and give him food."minho you know jisung wouldn't wanna see you in this state..."hyunjin said softly and pat minho's shoulder."i know but i can't help but think i could've saved him. if only i payed attention to him he would still be with us, alive and well.."he said softly as tears soon filled his eyes.

hyunjin bit his lip and hugged the older tightly."i hope you feel better soon, i gotta go and take care of seungmin now..he's sick." he said and walked out of the apartment,leaving minho alone in the deafening silence again. he sighed and got up to eat a snack. oh how he missed jisung,he truly did so a month later, he decided to join his first love. to join him in the afterlife. he was buried next to jisung.

lee minho han jisung  


1998-2020 2000-2020

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alternate ending

jisung put his phone down and bit his lip. he laid back down and looked up at the ceiling. was he really ready to do it? was he ready to leave everything behind? he was but at the same time he wasn't. sighing, he walked to his bathroom and got a bottle of his anti-depressants and a cup of water. he sat down and took a handful of his pills but before he could gulp them down, hyunjin and minho barged into his room,"jisung don't!"minho cried out and ran to hug the younger."please...don't.i'm right here for you okay? i'm here..."he said as jisung drooped the bottle,spilling all pills onto the floor as he hugged the older back."i'm sorry...i-i'm so sorry minmin..hyujin.i promise i'll never ever do this to myself again!" jisung cried out and hid his face in minho's shoulder."i'll give you two some space."hyunjin said and left the room,closing the door behind him.

minho and jisung talked a little more and ended up cuddling till jisung fell asleep. hyunjin knocked on the door before entering the room to let minho know he was about to leave and that if he could take care of jisung for him which the older obviously said yes to. minho saved him,minho saved his baby.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you guys enjoyed thsi! i know it isnt the best but i tried..


End file.
